305 First Time Etiquette

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First time jitters are natural the first time you're with a woman. You may be confused about what to do once you get into that situation, you may be nervous that you won't know how to please her, and you definitely don't want to look stupid once her clothes come off. As usual we've got some good advice for you that includes not shaving her entire body in the bathtub on the first date.

304 Cranky For a Reason

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If your lady has been cranky for no reason lately, your first reaction may be that she is PMS'ing...again. Maybe she's not getting enough sleep, maybe she's not getting enough sex or maybe she's just a plain old bitch. Once you get beyond all of that, there may actually be a medical reason for her short temper. It could be that she is low on electrolytes or possibly her iron levels are deficient. Time for a doctor check-up.

303 Lesbo Curious

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Young Lesbians everywhere need to beware. There are straight women on the prowl looking to prey on susceptible young Lesbians by luring them into hot, smokin' extramarital affairs and relationships without disclosing the whole truth - that they have a husband at home! Add straight women to the list of predators that nice young ladies need to watch out for.

302 Robbin' Hood

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It's the time of year for giving, so why not give something to yourself? It's OK if you take gift cards from needy children, smoke crack with funds from the city you work for, or buy prostitutes by using your government spending account. It's only when you get a blow job at your place of work that it becomes an issue...even if you're multi-tasking and getting work done at the same time.

301 Stocking Stuffer

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There's more than one way to stuff your stocking this holiday season, but we'd be remiss if we didn't give you our rundown of great gift ideas for friends, loved ones and even those you hate. We've got something for everyone on your list whether they've been naughty, nice or just plain nasty. Break out that credit card and get ready to revive the economy.

300 Lesbian Bra Shop

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It's not that Lesbians don't want attractive bras to wear. We just need them to be attractive, yet still functional. Sports bras are functional, but not necessarily attractive. 18-hour bras are functional, but not necessarily attractive. Worst of all, you don't want to pick up a woman you think is "double D" who happens to really be a "nearly A" when you get her home.

299 Pissing Contest

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Good fences make good neighbors. It also helps to have a fence that's six-feet tall so you don't ever have to talk to your neighbors or interact with them. Best of all, it also helps maintain the mystery about who your neighbors really are. That way you'll never have to know that the Stepford Wife next door sells Botox for a living and has man-voice.

298 Gay Play Date

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The secret to a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship is to make sure that both partners get their needs fulfilled on a regular basis. Next time your partner wants to do something that you hate doing, simply send them on a play date with a friend and you won't have to deal with it. Then you can stay home and fall in love with fake characters in a video game all by yourself.

297 Not Over Yet

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December 1, 1988 marked the first official World AIDS Day, but it's a pandemic that we have all been living with for more than 25 years. We may have drugs and cocktails that help slow down and even reverse the effects, but they're not accessible, affordable or tolerable for everyone that needs them world-wide. The long-term affects are also unclear. This fight is far from over, so speak up, speak out, communicate with your partner and make sure you're protected.

296 Change the Subject

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Adults are not that much different from babies. When you want to get a baby to stop crying, you try to divert their attention to something else. Maybe it's food, a different toy or a funny face that you make. When Lesbians start getting into a heated conversation, simply try pointing out a nice looking lady with big boobs. That should do the trick and get everyone into a happier place.

295 Mature Adults

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As a parent it's important to keep track of who your kids are hanging out with, what kind of music they're into and what bad things they might be getting up to. Adults should be good role models for their children by exhibiting appropriate behavior at all times. Encouraging 10-year olds to share ring tones with bad words and sexual references might not be a good example of being a mature adult role model.

294 Nipple Finder

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Next time you're online looking for your new ex-wife at one of the Lesbian dating sites, you may want to update your profile about what you're looking for in a lady. Add that you're looking for someone who is a breast technician at a mammogram center. This is someone that fondles breasts for a living, they understand the importance of warm hands, and they've got a lot of experience picking up and fondling all kinds of breasts. That's what they do for a living....so they get a lot of practice.

293 Dispose of Properly

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Once the relationship has ended and it's time to dispose of all those fun sex toys you acquired over the week that your latest long-term relationship lasted, it's important to know how to dispose of your toys properly. If you can't donate your used toys to the local Goodwill, you can always spread some good will of your own by depositing them in your neighbors' mailboxes. Just make sure they don't have a dog that likes to chew things.

292 Tongue Joy

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Good friends are always there when you need them, but it's your best friends that you can really count on to tell you all about the best sex toys to use with your new girlfriend. When you make that new purchase, just try not to leave it at your parent's house when you spend the night. Even if they don't use it...just the thought that they touch it is enough to throw it right into the trash.

291 Your Kids Are Watching

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Today's parents think they're internet savvy and that they know where their kids are going on the internet. Well...it turns out your kids really are smarter than you. They know how to log on to your computer, they know how to erase their browsing history and they know all your passwords, too. Maybe next time you'll choose a password that's not the name of your favorite pet.

290 Lesbians on the Moon

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In a time before Lesbian bars, before there were Lesbian go-go dancers and before we knew more than a handful of Gay people each....that time was called, high school. Now we have domestic partnerships, we're on our way to a time in the future when Gay marriage will be legal, LGBT people won't feel like second class citizens, and Olivia Cruises will be selling tickets for a trip to the moon.

289 Vegas Secrets

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Here's more proof that what happens in Vegas certainly does not stay in Vegas...especially when two Homos are on the trip. Now the secret is out that you'll find dancers with stripper poles in furry boots at the Hard Rock, there are valets parking cars who are older than 50, you can score less than 80 in bowling and still have a really good game, and it is possible to find bad bread pudding on the Strip.

288 Holiday Countdown

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There's nothing wrong with dressing up for Halloween, handing out candy and having a little fun. It's when you start offering candy to everyone in the neighborhood, including the parents, that you're starting to cross the line. Thinking that you may decorate the entire house and the whole backyard to become a haunted house for everyone to walk through is really going too far.

287 While You're Down There

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Today's Lesbians are entirely too busy to be wasting time. We need to make every minute count. As long as you've got a doctor's appointment you may as well have them check your blood pressure, do a full physical and get that pap smear out of the way all at the some time. Don't forget a pair of tassels so that you can make a little extra money on the side while you have your mammogram done.

286 Straight Chick Fest

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It's not that Lesbians don't like manicures and pedicures, it's just that not everyone wants to get it done in the middle of a straight chick fest. It might be more comfortable to get it done in the Lesbian nail salon where they have a refrigerator full of beer, the game is being shown on a giant flat-screen TV, the latest issue of Curve is available to flip through, and the ladies from Clinique have a booth to show young Femmes how to apply the latest colors for Fall.

285 Just Trying to Help

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It may not be immediately obvious, but "help" really is a four-letter word. "Help" should not cost you extra money, require more of your time than if you were to do something yourself, or aggravate you to the point where you need pills to keep you calm. Next time someone tries to help you...help yourself instead and just say, "no".

284 Sexposed

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It's creepy enough when you pets are in the same room with you watching while you're having sex, but to have a family member walk in while your ass is up in the air is really embarrassing. It's a good thing your parents don't know how to upload videos to You Tube. Otherwise, you might just be an overnight Internet sensation.

283 Motivation

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Sometimes you just need that little kick start to get yourself motivated to start on a big project such as cleaning up the house. Now there's an answer. Simply tune in to "Hoarders" on A&E Network and you will be filled with the fear, motivation and neuroses to make sure that you clean out every closet, organize every drawer and take all your old clothes and unused household items to the nearest charitable drop off location.

282 Like a Fart in Church

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In tough times it's good to have an entrepreneurial spirit to help kick start the economy once again. The key to success is to find that one unique idea that has a good chance of success. Sponsoring drug dealers near high schools or using condom companies to sponsor school sports teams may not be examples of winning formulas.

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