129 Better to Give Than Receive

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With the holiday season upon us, you may be wrapped up in trying to find the perfect gift for everyone on your list. This year, instead of getting a gift card for the local pharmacy for the whore on your list to help her clear up her latest infection, why not let us help you instead. We'll help you pick out the perfect gift for everyone on your list...no matter if they've been naughty or nice this year.

128 Driving Miss Maggie

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Now that the market is flooded with relatively low-priced GPS navigational systems, there is no excuse for anyone to get lost while driving ever again. But, there is one important thing missing. It's the attitude you get from your navigator when you make a wrong turn or head the wrong way. If someone can create a downloadable set of new voices with some attitude and personality for the GPS, Virginia is ready to download it from i-Tunes right now.

127 Everybody Masturbates

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Freedoms of being an American: When you turn 16 you are allowed to drive. At 18 you are allowed to vote. Turn 21 and you can drink alcohol (legally). We have the freedom of the press, freedom to elect an idiot as president and the freedom of religion. But, now the government is trying to take away the basic freedom to masturbate. We call "bullshit".

126 Lesbian Baby Boom

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So, you have your wife, two dogs and house. What else could you possibly need? Hmmm. Oh yeah, the 2.5 kids to make the perfect family. So, now Lesbians can go to the sperm bank and make a withdrawal or they can adopt to make their family complete. Just add kids and stir like crazy for instant family madness.

125 Dirty Dogs

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When one of the dogs jumps up off a chair like a red-hot poker has been shoved up his ass, it can mean only one thing. It must be time to wash the dirty dogs. It's almost as traumatic for the humans as it is for the dogs.

124 Sleeping Around

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You're all tucked in and ready for a good night's sleep, when suddenly...you realize you're not alone. We're not talking about some hot sexy drunk chick that you picked up at a bar last night, either. A colony of bed bugs has invaded your mattress and they don't have plans to leave any time soon. You'll have to burn the house down to get rid of those disgusting, free-loading, good for nothing bastards.

123 Holiday Shopping Mania

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It may only be November 11, but if your holiday shopping is not done by next weekend, you are in big trouble. There will be no more messing around, no more waiting to the last minute and no more excuses. You've had 10 months already to get it done. That's it.

122 Hey, Girl, Hey

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Crazy has it's own special way of reaching out to let you know it's there. It's more than just a look or a feeling...it's something far deeper and more insidious that grips you and pulls you in. It's a good thing Virginia's in a relationship, because even on TV, she can still find "crazy" without even trying. Danger lurks everywhere.

121 How the Hell Don't You Know

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If a big motorhome comes driving up to your house one day, don't get too excited. Run and close all the windows, draw all the curtains and lock the doors. It might not be that you're a winner in the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. You might just be the next contestant on the Suzanne Westenhoefer reality series, "How the Fcuk Don't You Know?!"

120 Grandma Thinks She's Sexy

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Believe it or not, today's seniors may be having more sex than you. That's not a bad thing, either. For us it means we have another option for making money in our retirement. We can open up a sex toy shop right next to the senior community and make lots of money. When the nursing home is rockin'.....don't come a knockin'.