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April 25, 2012 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Heading up to the lake for a vacation can be a very rejuvenating experience. Lots of fresh air, beautiful wooded forests and the opportunity to become one with nature. That's all fine and well until you realize the woods are jam-packed with coyotes, bears and other vermin set to carry off your pets for lunch. Next time it might be more relaxing to just stay in the city with the muggers, the dope fiends and the crazed lunatics. |
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April 22, 2012 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) As it turns out...the extremist right-wing was correct after all. First we allow Gay marriage, which then lead to all other kinds of abhorrent and deviant behavior. Now the Lesbians are obsessed with dogs' buttholes. They follow dogs around and stare at their butts, they study how enlarged the sphincter is at any given time, and even how often the dog takes a crap. Clearly, they've taken this way too far and now the situation is completely out of control. |
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April 12, 2012 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) For the straight ladies...you can keep the baseball hats with the ponytail through the back, you can keep the comfy boxer shorts to kick around in and look sexy, and you can keep pretending to enjoy kissing Lesbians. For the straight men...you can keep the goatees, you can keep the Doc Marten's, and you can keep shaving your nutsack. When it comes to the rainbows, however...that's when we have to put our foot down. Just pick a freaking color. You can't have them all. |
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April 9, 2012 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Getting a piece of dessert really shouldn't be so hard to do. If you have to run a marathon, knock people over and hunt it down like prey in a forest, you really are burning too many calories just to eat a piece of cake. After all, dessert really should put on more pounds than you take off trying to enjoy it. |
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April 4, 2012 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) It used to be that we lived in a nice quiet neighborhood, but now I realize that we actually live in a barnyard. The hens in the neighborhood walk around all day cackling and gossiping about everyone else's business in the neighborhood. Then there's the Lesbian pigs that live in the corner house where all the grass is dead and they think that dog poop makes good fertilizer to leave all over the lawn. Moo. |
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April 1, 2012 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) A message to Gill and Jane: I am extending a heartfelt apology for the evening you spent with Roxanne. I apologize for her unbridled vulgarity, her lack of compassion for other human beings, her outright sense of entitlement, and for embarrassing the United States of America and confirming every ugly American stereotype in existence. We sincerely hope that this doesn't affect the relationship between the United States and the wonderful and warm country of the UK. |
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