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November 30, 2014 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Thanksgiving...the time of year to be thankful for family, good friends, all the wonderful things in our lives and for sharing with others. Next time you share that secret family recipe that's been handed down from generation to generation make sure that you leave out one ingredient so that you drive the next three generations insane trying to figure out how you make that special pie taste so good. |
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November 26, 2014 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) It's happened to all of us at one time or another. We dream about something that we're convinced is absolutely real. Like the time Angelina Jolie, Mila Kunis and Shakira all showed up at your front door ready to rock your world. According to the dictionary, someone that is delusional is someone that believes things that couldn't possibly be true. Also defined as a psychological disorder. |
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November 23, 2014 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) There's one way to guarantee that you, your partner and your baby can all sit in the same row of the airplane. Fill a ziploc bag full of baby crap and hide it discreetly in the diaper bag. If the airline tries to move you, simply pull out the bag of crap, insert it into your baby's diapers and then proceed to change the baby right there in your seat. Call your partner over to help so that everyone knows you're together. Guaranteed to work every time...straight or Gay. |
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November 19, 2014 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) The meaning of a true partnership is when a your spouse is willing to get up in the middle of the night, walk down the street in her pajamas and look like some freak on her cell phone in the middle of the street to hack a portal for a video game you're playing. The even truer meaning of the word partnership is that she puts up with you playing that nerdy game with teenage boys across the city that are up late at night jizzing on their cellphones. |
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November 16, 2014 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) There's no reason to be ashamed or embarrassed if your children photo bomb other families on vacation taking their own family photos. They're just trying to do a public service by trying to make the other family look better. It's a public service that's free of charge. |
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November 12, 2014 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Pets are good for a lot of reasons. They can help lower your stress level, they can make you forget about your horrible day and they generally make you feel happier. They're also good to blame the smell on when you lay a big stinky fart in front of your friends. You can blame it on the dog...but your friends know it was you anyway. Even when it really is the dog...your friends still think it's you. |
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November 9, 2014 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) The unspoken rule of Lesbian Etiquette - if you see another Lesbian that you don't know, don't talk to her. Don't make eye contact. Don't acknowledge her existence. Don't stand too close to her. And, definitely don't be seen together in the same location for more than a minute. It's a good thing online dating is now an option or Lesbians would be single forever. |
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November 5, 2014 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) It's the perfect family pet. He's a Lab mix, housebroken, good with kids, good with other animals and loves cats. He doesn't grab food from the table and he never jumps on people. Well...until you complete the adoption process to take the new puppy home. Then he's a Pit Bull mix illegally imported from another country, full of worms, not potty-trained and doesn't know how to walk on a leash. |
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November 2, 2014 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) If you're 30 years old and you still feel the need to go trick-or-treating with a bag of your own, then don't have the audacity to lecture people about what type of candy they should buy. Take $2 out of your own pocket and go down to the store and pick up whatever candy bar you want. Or, just take a little child with you and take the candy out of their bag just like the rest of the adults in the neighborhood. |
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