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May 30, 2011 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Every Lesbian in the world is separated by only three exes or friends. You'll find proof at any event where Lesbians congregate. Tell just one person some interesting or exciting news and the Lesbian phone tree and cell phone networks will light up within 5 minutes to spread the news to everyone. The whole world will know that you're single again before your profile loads on Match.com. |
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May 26, 2011 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) If one is good, then we'll take two. Two times the dirty diapers, two times the amount of food to buy, two times the pairs of shoes and two times the bill for college. Of course, it will only take one time to scare off the boys who try to date the twins before they've reached the age of 35. |
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May 22, 2011 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) When people think of cloning they worry about all the horrible things that might happen. Nobody wants to eat meat from cloned animals and we certainly don't want to think about cloning humans. Unless...instead of all the Lesbian clones showing up with the same hairstyles and the same type of blazers with rolled up sleeves they've been wearing since the 80's, the clones were smoking hot replicas of the hottest women you've ever seen. Then everyone would be ok with cloning. |
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May 18, 2011 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Owning a vagina is a big responsibility. You can't just place that kind of responsibility in anyone's hands and hope for the best. It's important to clean it regularly, to dry it out properly and to make sure no bacteria or mold grows on it. Most of all it's important to pick out a pretty color when you first get one, and to make sure that the carpeting matches the drapes. |
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May 15, 2011 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Professionals in all walks of life take care of the tools they use to do their job. Top chefs keep their knives protected and razor sharp, artists make sure they're brushes are in top notch shape for their next masterpiece, and musicians strive to make sure their instruments are tuned up perfectly. It's pretty much the same for Lesbians. We keep our nails trimmed, our hands clean and we declare a national emergency that must be taken care of immediately if the dishwasher breaks and it means we might be at risk for dishpan hands. |
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May 9, 2011 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Somewhere in the world there must exist an institution where Lesbians can go to learn how to be a proper Lesbian. There will be woodworking classes, workshops to learn all about the different types of denim and flannel, and an extra credit course you can take to help you make your work boots match your outfits. The one class that is required by all attendees will be how to shake hands properly without crushing the crap out of everyone you meet. |
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May 5, 2011 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Living with your new wife, having sex every night, your arms behind your back with handcuffs and swinging with other single ladies from time to time. It all sounds like it might be a lot of fun...until you realize you're in prison. Then, just when you think it can't get any worse, you get traded for a tampon to a pretty woman called Diabla. |
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May 2, 2011 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) After serving jury duty for just one day, you'll come to realize that the scariest words you'll ever have to hear are that you'll be judged by a "jury of your peers". It wasn't a courtroom full of Lesbians that showed up for jury service that day. Instead it was the man with his pants below his ass, the lady slumped over two seats out cold for the entire morning, the man with rampant melanomas on his bald head and the skinny queen with pants three sizes too small. Well, maybe him. |
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