February 29, 2012 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Nothing spells H.O.T. like a smooth, dreamy waterbed from the 1970's, especially if it has automatic heat controls. Then you think about your parents banging away in their new sleep numbers automatically adjustable bed...and suddenly...it just doesn't seem as hot and sexy anymore. |
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February 26, 2012 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) It doesn't really matter if you did pick up the individually plastic wrapped roses at the local 7-11 and arranged them thoughtfully in a bouquet for your lady for Valentine's Day. Let her just believe that you could not stop thinking about how wonderful she is all day long and that you just wanted to sweep her off her feet and surprise her with the most magnificent bouquet of flowers ever. Why destroy the fantasy by admitting that you simply picked them up like a supermarket rag at the checkout counter on your way out of the store. |
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February 22, 2012 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Next time you get one of those scam emails where you've won the lottery from some far off country you've never visited, or you have a long lost relative that left you millions of dollars in currency that you've never heard of before, think about doing the world a public service. Send an email back, without your bank account number of course, and keep them engaged in an endless series of correspondence until they simply give up. This way you can keep them busy and hopefully prevent one more gullible person in the world from giving up their entire life savings. |
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February 19, 2012 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) There's nothing wrong with having a little lasering done to clean up some straggler hairs that run down your leg and pop out when you're wearing that sexy bikini. Maybe you even want to clean up that treasure trail a bit before you hit the surf. Just make sure you use an experienced laser technician so that you don't have an industrial accident where the laser hits a lip by mistake. That could be a life-changing incident that happens in less than one second. |
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February 15, 2012 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Countries are at war with each other, people are dying for no good reason, 50% of Americans are now obese, drug use is spiralling out of control, the worst recession this country has had since the Great Depression.... Doesn't God have enough to worry about without having to listen to you pray about making a touchdown? Just let God take a day off and enjoy the Super Bowl like everyone else. |
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February 12, 2012 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Stupid should hurt. Seriously. Perhaps then people would think twice about being morons. Or, maybe Tylenol stock would simply go through the roof as people all over America stockpiled as many bottles as they can. Maybe you want to use that insider tip to become the world's next millionaire. Buy low...sell high. |
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February 8, 2012 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) Becoming a vegan used to seem like so much work. Every meal has to be planned out down to the last detail, you have to shop for groceries on a more regular basis, you have to find exotic recipes to keep meals interesting and you have to interrogate every restaurant server about each dish on the menu just to make sure you can eat it. Nobody wanted to invite you over for dinner because you were such a pain in the ass. Now that we know about meat glue and pink slime...vegan doesn't sound like nearly as much trouble as it used to. |
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February 5, 2012 (Click to listen live, or right-click and "save target as..." to download mp3) The neighborhood watch is a beautiful thing. Everybody knows about everybody's business, who's beating their wife, where the Lesbians in the neighborhood live, and whose wife is out slutting around. When it comes to stopping real crimes in the neighborhood, however, everyone always knows all the details only after the fact. Once the grow house has run through their series of plantings, supplied all the local dealers multiple times and then moves out...that's when suddenly everyone knows all about it. |
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